Ho’oponopono: A Path to Accountability, Not Blame

With tight deadlines, team tensions, changing priorities, it’s easy to fall into the trap of blame.

“They didn’t deliver.”“That meeting was a disaster because of her tone.”“Why do I always have to chase him?”

But what if there was a gentler, braver path? One that doesn’t excuse poor behaviour or avoid tough conversations, but that starts by turning inward.

That path is called Ho’oponopono.

Ho’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian practice that means “to make things right.” At its core, it’s about restoring harmony, within yourself and with others.

And at its heart are four quietly transformative phrases:

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

These aren’t words you necessarily speak out loud. They’re whispered inward, to your own heart and spirit, to clear the emotional static that builds when we hold onto resentment or reactivity.

Ho’oponopono is about owning your part, your energy, your reactions, your beliefs, so that you can lead from a place of clarity and calm. Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, a Hawaiian psychologist, famously used Ho’oponopono to help heal an entire ward of mentally ill prisoners. He never saw the patients directly. He simply read their files, then repeated the four phrases within himself. Over time, the patients healed. The ward closed.

He wasn’t working on them—he was working on himself.

It aligns beautifully with modern coaching psychology, particularly the shift from the drama triangle (blame, victimhood, rescue) to what David Emerald calls The Empowerment Dynamic, where we move from reaction to conscious choice.

Ho’oponopono is one of those choices.

A Real-Life Example: When a Team Fractures

Let’s say you’re part of a leadership team. A recent project missed the mark,again. There’s tension in the air. Fingers are being pointed. Morale is dipping.

You leave a meeting feeling angry. You know that certain teammates didn’t pull their weight. But something inside nudges you to pause.

You sit quietly and reflect:

• Where did I shut down instead of speak up?

• Did I assume the worst about someone’s intentions?

• Did I allow frustration to cloud my communication?

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You realise that, while you didn’t “cause” the problem, you contributed to the culture. You held back feedback. You rolled your eyes. You disconnected.

And so, you try something different.

You close your eyes and, with a hand on your heart, repeat inwardly:

I’m sorry.Please forgive me.Thank you.I love you.

No one hears you. But something shifts.

Later that week, you reach out to a colleague for a clearer conversation, not to blame, but to build trust. You notice you're less reactive. Less righteous. More open.

That’s the medicine of Ho’oponopono.

Why This Matters in Leadership

We talk a lot about accountability in leadership, but often it’s code for “holding others accountable.” Ho’oponopono invites us to begin with ourselves.

It doesn’t mean you tolerate bad behaviour or avoid performance conversations. It means you clear your side of the street first. You reset your energy. You lead from alignment, not ego.

It’s radical. It’s soft. It’s strong.

And when teams begin to practise this, even quietly, the culture starts to shift. Blame drops. Courage rises. People feel safer to own their truth.

How to Practise It

You can use Ho’oponopono:

• After a difficult conversation

• Before a team meeting where there’s tension

• When you’re feeling resentment or frustration

• As a daily clearing ritual to reset your energy

  
  

There’s no ceremony needed. Just presence.

Sit quietly.Bring the situation or person to mind.Repeat the four phrases slowly, inwardly.Let whatever comes up be okay.

You might feel emotion. You might feel nothing at all. Either is fine. What matters is the intention to clear, to take responsibility, to make room for a new way forward.

Final Thought: Be the Energy You Want to Lead With

Leadership isn’t about being right, it’s about being real.

Ho’oponopono offers a way to stay grounded in truth without spiralling into blame. It brings us back to humility, grace, and deep inner power.

In a world that often shouts, “Who’s at fault?”, Ho’oponopono quietly asks,“What part can I own, release, and make right within myself?”

And that is where true transformation begins.